created for a relationship

So yesterday I taught Sunday school for the very first time. Ever. Like...ever in my life. For anyone. (Ever.) I taught it for the high school students in youth group. And let me tell you, I have never been more scared of public speaking than I was then. I literally broke into a cold sweat, barely kept myself from hyperventilating, and at one point seriously considered running outside to vomit. (This was all before I actually got up onto the stage...and yes I did teach from on a stage. That didn't help with the nerves much...)

BUT somehow I held it together, and of course the moment I got onstage the nerves all fled and I was totally fine, relaxed and comfortable. Well, as relaxed and comfortable as I could be with a bunch of high schoolers, my youth pastor, and 3 parents in there listening to me.

And I proceeded to talk about the fact that God created us to be in a relationshp with Him. He created us in His image and in His likeness, and this gives us intrinsic worth and a unique position and purpose among creation. God values us and loves us because of His image within us. Our purpose in life is to glorify Him and spread His glory among others through the way we live our lives. So if you've ever reached a point in your life where you have no idea what your purpose is and what you're supposed to do with your life, do NOT despair!!! God created you with a purpose and while you may not know your specific purpose for the specific period of time, your overall purpose is always solidly in place - glorify God and spread His glory to others!

All in all - I loved teaching. And I can't wait to do it again. Teaching is definitely a purpose of mine.

is the grass really greener on the other side?

Storm

When the darkness closes in
You are the Light to guide me
When the cold pierces my skin
You are the Fire to warm me

Whenever a storm surrounds me
I find You there

I hear You in the thunder
I taste You in the rain
I see You in the lightning
I feel You in the wind
I feel You in the wind

When the rain is crashing down
You are the Shelter over me
When there's no one else around
You are the Friend to comfort me

Whenever a storm surrounds me
I find You there

I hear You in the thunder
I taste You in the rain
I see You in the lightning
I feel You in the wind
I feel You in the wind


Broken

Repentance must be real
Sorrow, sorrow must be great
Heartache must be felt
For these worldly chains to break
Oh

When were you ever worthy?
When are we ever worthy?
When were you ever worthy?
Oh, precious child of Mine!

Forgiveness is not far away
My hand is upon you
Darkness cannot sustain
Healing in My shadow
Oh

When were you ever worthy?
When are we ever worthy?
When were you ever worthy?
Oh, precious child of Mine!
Don't you know
I've kept you close
All along
All along

Oh, precious child of Mine!
Don't you know
I've kept you close
All along
All along
Pick up your cross and follow Me

Thank you, Ashley Jones, for awesome music and awesome lyrics. I needed to hear both of these songs tonight.

It's one of those periods in life where I feel trapped in limbo again. I feel like I'm freefalling, where I can do things but really, they don't matter and they don't make much of a difference. I feel somewhat judged. I feel extremely undervalued. I feel weird. Sometimes I even feel like a phony. But I'm not. I'm real. Christ is real. His love and His truth are real. And His joy is real too. And I praise God for that.

Little shoutout to a friend...thanks for your encouragement, and I hope that somehow you can be aware of how much I care for you.

the points don't matter

Something I've noticed.........if you ever want to know how I'm doing, just check out the little box just below my facebook profile picture. It will tell you everything you need to know.

The text in March 2010:
Where are You, God of the heavens above?
Why do You hide from our pain?
With questions and weeping I call on You now
In anguish I beg to be heard
Your presence is all that I need

In May 2010:
I will trust in the One who's established His might
The Servant who's reigning on high
Whose unfailing mercy is solid and clear
I patiently wait here in peace
His presence is all that I need

In June and July 2010:
Christ's is the world in which we move
Christ's are the folk we're summoned to love
Christ's is the voice which calls us to care
and Christ is the One who meets us here

In August 2010:
Your truth brings freedom from the shame of sin
Freedom from the hurt within
Captivate us, Jesus, and bring us freedom!
Free to hope and free to love
Free to serve a needy world
Use us now, Lord Jesus, to see the captives
Set free!

In September 2010:
Whenever a storm surrounds me
I find You there


If you know anything about what my life has been this past year, you can see a definite trend and you know exactly what I'm talking about......I just thought that was interesting!

I REALLY want to see Easy A, The Tourist, The Social Network, Due Date, and the new Harry Potter movie. Can't even wait.

I also just bought my tickets to Detroit and Chicago!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooooo freakin excited, I've never been to either place!!!!!!!!! And I get to see Grace and Rachel and hopefully Jenny, and meet all their cool friends and see lots of awesome places. I'm so. freakin. excited.

well at least I'm gonna say that I tried

I'm just as bad as what I'm trying not to be like.

I'm thinking only of me.

I'm seriously thinking only of me.

I don't want to. I want to think of others. I want to think of the Lord. I want to think not of myself.

And yet I can't seem to stop. Because obviously, I enjoy the attention focused on me. I enjoy being the cool one, the one who knows everything, the one who is cool no matter what. Nobody can inflict a social status on me. I am always above it.

Yet I still make mistakes. I still do things I know I shouldn't. I still feel sick sometimes thinking about what I ought to be doing. I ought to be pointing attention away from me and onto Christ. I ought to risk relationships for Him. I ought to risk my newfound automatic popularity for Him. I ought to be willing to be thought uncool for Him. And I'm so not. I'm just so not.

It's the dumbest thing, really. I'm just so self-focused right now. And when I think about the pain that I was in this past year, from February to May, and what my life is like now, it's two different people. I remember going to bed thinking, "Okay, I have eight whole hours in which I cannot be hurt." I would count each minute precious if I did not have to feel the pain. And I have not felt that pain since May. The summer was wonderful. I was refreshed, relaxed, happy, and pain-free. And I'm about to start feeling pain again, if I stay self-focused much longer.

I need BSF!!!!!! Stupid work getting in the way of it!!!!!!!!!! I also need friends who are my age and who live roughly in the same city as me...

I need Scripture. I need Christ to fill me. To saturate me. To fill me with a desire for Him. To fill me with His love, His light, His work for me.

There's a broken world
Burdened by the weight of wrong
Living in the dark
Fear has ruled their lives for so long
Unaware of liberty
Souls continue aimlessly
Poisoned by the lies
"The truth is what you want it to be
You can choose your God
The center of this life is me"
Father, give us courage
To open up our hearts and speak of

Your freedom from the shame of sin
Freedom from the hurt within
Captivate us, Jesus, and bring us freedom!
Free to hope and free to love
Free to serve a needy world
Use us now, Lord Jesus, to see the captives
Set free!

if the points were cheerleaders, they'd be guy cheerleaders

I seriously wish I would update this thing more often. I really do have so much I'd like to write about. But I find myself worrying more and more that people will see this and make assumptions about me that are wrong, or read things that I've written and be offended or misinterpret what I'm saying. I'm not sure why I worry about that...I highly doubt anyone reads this. But still...

So I'm just gonna say this...I'm looking for a new job. I am so sick of working at Chick-fil-A. I've worked there for five years, and I am DONE. Last Saturday was one of the worst days EVER, and exemplified almost every reason I hate working there. Today, though, I enjoyed myself and had a good time with all my work peeps. Still...I'm done. I'm just done there. So I am, I am, I AM going to apply at other places THIS WEEK!!!!!!!! I'm starting with Barnes and Noble, and there's a little cafe near my house that I'm also applying at. We'll see what happens with those places...although of course as soon as I quit at CFA, Sal and Connor will both start working there. Figures.

It's time for me to start working out again. I'm noticing a strange trend between my workouts and my relationship with God. It was stronger when I was working out, and now that I've stopped, it's more distant than it was. That isn't okay. I want to be in constant fellowship with Christ, I want to know Him more and more and in a really REAL way. I want to have the relationship with Him that I want my youth group kids to have with Him. I want to be an example for them.

And may I just take this opportunity to say that I LOVE my youth group kids. Despite all their drama, I love them to bits already. I'm SO excited about this fall with them! It's going to be great!!!!!

BSF starts in two weeks, and the study is the new Isaiah one. I need BSF desperately, both for the way it brings Scripture to life and allows me to apply it to my everyday life, and for the chance to be with people my own age!!! Now that all my friends are gone to school....seriously, I have nobody except Briley left in Dallas!!!!! It's totally ridiculous.

Okay, I have to go to bed. I'm yawning my head off, and it's almost one am. I have to get up early and get my car inspected anyway.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." ~Hebrews 12:2

the ballad of Sweeney Todd

There was a barber and his wife
And she was beautiful
A foolish barber and his wife
She was his reason and his life
And she was beautiful
And she was virtuous
And he was...naive





Wait! What's your rush, what's your hurry?
You gave me such a
Fright, I thought you was a ghost
Half a minute, can't you
Sit, sit you down. Sit!
All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks.
Did you come in for a pie, sir?
Do forgive me if me head's a little vague
What was that?
But you'd think we had the plague
From the way that people
Keep avoiding (no you don't!)
Heaven knows I try, sir
but there's no one comes in even to inhale.
Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale?

Mind you, I can hardly blame them
These are probably the worst pies in London
I know why nobody cares to take them
I should know
I make 'em
But good? No.
The worst pies in London.

And no wonder, with the price of meat what it is
When you get it.
Never
Thought I'd live to see the day
Men'd think was a treat finding poor
Animals
What are dyin' in the street
Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop
Does a business, but I notice somethin' weird
Lately all her neighbor's cats have disappeared.
Have to hand it to her
What I calls
Enterprise
Poppin' pussies into pies
Wouldn't do in my shop
Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick
And I'm telling you, them pussycats is quick.

No denyin' times is hard, sir
Even harder than the worst pies in London
Only lard and nothin' more.
Is that just
Revoltin'
All greasy and gritty
It looks like it's moltin'
And tastes like--
Well, pity
A woman alone
With limited wind
And the worst pies in London!
Ah, sir
Times is hard
Times is hard

that's no reason why they can't be friends

So here it is. Here are the facts about my love life thus far, and some of my opinions on subjects of that nature.

- In my mind, if I have "liked" someone, I have had feelings for them for the duration of at least one year. Otherwise, it's just a crush.

- I have had crushes on many, many boys.

- According to my definition, I have "liked" a total of 3 guys.

- I have never held hands with a guy for a reason of any kind of romantic nature. (I've held hands with guys during games and whatnot, but not otherwise.)

- I have never kissed a guy. (or a girl, for that matter...)

- I have been asked out once. We never actually went on a date. And this was 4 months ago. It's not like it happened in high school...

- It goes without saying, therefore, that I have never had a boyfriend.

- I have never even had any boy "like" me. At least not that I've been informed of.

- I am generally of the opinion that guys and girls cannot be really good friends without it becoming of a romantic nature for at least one of them. Of course, the definition of "really good friends" can be tricky, so this rule is very subjective.

- I am not at all a fan of high school relationships, mostly because they almost never last past high school. Plus, I am also of the opinion that if you date someone, that should mean that you have in mind that you might marry them. And I feel like you shouldn't be worrying about that in high school!!! And in high school, you're too young to know if you're in love. I sure thought I was in love in high school...and I was oh so wrong.

- I think, as a girl, that one of the WORST possible things to say to a girl is, "I like you, but I don't want to actually DO anything about it." Guys, in general it is NOT a good idea to say this to a girl. Yes, it is good to have that confirmation of your feelings, but if you don't intend to do anything about it, it's not worth it. Why don't you want to do anything about your feelings? Are we not good enough? Are we not worth the trouble of a relationship? So...don't do it. Don't tell us you like us unless you are willing to pursue that relationship!

- Ladies. PLEASE ATTEMPT to dress modestly! Guys are always aware of your body, much more so than you think. I am SO not a fan of bikinis, Sophie shorts, short shorts in general, and much more. Ladies, this isn't about dressing the way you want, it's about protecting your guy friends and dressing in ways that make you look beautiful and yet doesn't draw attention to your body. Guys will notice you enough without that kind of help...

Okay, that's enough of that. Oh, by the way, I happen to think it would be freakin SWEET if this is how life could really be....


JUNO
You know, I’ve been thinking. I’m
really sorry I was such a huge
bitch to you. You didn’t deserve
that. You never deserve any of the
poo I unload on you.

BLEEKER
You know it’s okay.

JUNO
Also, I think I’m in love with you.

BLEEKER
What, you mean as friends?

JUNO
No, for real. I think you are the
coolest person I’ve ever met. And
you don’t even have to try.

BLEEKER
I try really hard, actually...

JUNO
No, you’re naturally smart. You
always think of the funniest things
to do. Remember when you passed me
that postcard during Spanish class,
and it was addressed like, “Junebug
MacGuff, Row 4, Third Seat From the
Blackboard”? And it said, “I’m having fun in
Barcelona- wish you were here”?
That was hilarious.

BLEEKER
I was just bored. I only think school
is awesome like, 80% of the time.

JUNO
Plus, you’re the only person who
doesn’t stare at my stomach all the
effing time. You actually look at my
face. And every time I look at you, my heart
starts pounding.

BLEEKER
Mine too.

JUNO
Basically, I’m completely smitten
with you, and I don’t care if I’m
making an ass out of myself right
now, because you’ve seen me make an
ass out of myself a million times,
and you still want to be my friend.

BLEEKER
Well, yeah. You’re the best friend
I’ve ever had, even when you’re
being kind of evil.

JUNO
That’s all I need from you. That’s
more than I could ever ask for.
You’re just golden, dude.

BLEEKER
Can we make out now?

JUNO
Okay.