How in the world do I have pain?
I have NO PAIN. I live in America, I have rights and freedoms and privileges that millions of people don't even know exist. There are people in this world who will live and die without ever having the protection of their government, who will never vote in an election, who will be forced to worship something they don't believe in or forbidden to worship the way they choose. There are children who will never know love and affection from their parents, who will grow up without ever having a shot or a vaccine or even a dose of children's Tylenol. There are millions of people who haven't eaten food or drunk clean water in weeks. There are people dying every day, being killed by their own government or neighbors or family members. And that's present everywhere, across the globe. What about what's happening in my own neighborhood, on my own street in Denton, Texas?
There are people who haven't spoken to their mothers in years, unless you count screaming obscenities at them. There are people who give their hearts and their bodies away to anyone who promises them happiness in return, only to be left empty and crushed. There are people who don't even know their own cousins' first names. There are people whose loved ones are dying, or stricken with a disease or disability. There are people who are filled with hate, with anger, with self-loathing, with depression. There are people whose lives are hollow, meaningless, despite their families or their jobs or the routines of life they choose to continue, day after meaningless day. There are people who have no joy. There are people who are truly experiencing pain.
My heart bleeds for them. My heart screams out for them. I don't know what to do with this pain, and sometimes I don't even recognize it as my own. I understand now why people will intentionally cut themselves: maybe they are trying to focus, for once, on a pain that makes perfect sense. Another good reason to do it: that pain can be cured. Easily. Stop the bleeding, apply a Band-aid, and in about 30 minutes that pain should be gone.
There's no solution to an aching heart. How on earth can this pain be dealt with? What prescription can fix it?
Scripture. James 1:27.
"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." (NLT)
Caring for the needy in their distress. Caring for the needy! There are so many needy people everywhere you look. The task at hand is overwhelming. Where to start? Oh, God, tell me where to start! I have no idea! There are too many broken people, including myself, and I can't do this task. I can't help anyone unless You show me where to start and how to do it.
I want to care for the needy in New York City, and I want to start by caring for the needy in Denton, Texas. I want to care for the homeless, the outcasts, the former members of society. I want to love them and meet some basic, general needs. I want to help teens who have everything, know everything, understand everything, but don't care. I want to lead Bible studies for them, have the guts to call them out on their behavior, address their issues, see them fail, broken, repentant, successful. I want to build a life as a servant of Christ, who lived as He did and loved as He did.
How can I have any pain of my own, other than that of seeing the pain of lives lived without Christ? Literally, where does any other kind of pain come from in me?? I do not understand.
May the love of Jesus fill me as the waters fill the sea; Him exalting, self abasing - this is victory.
May the peace of Christ my Savior rule my life in everything, that I may be calm to comfort sick and sorrowing.
May His beauty rest upon me as I seek the lost to win, and may they forget the channel, seeing only Him.
"God comforts. He doesn't pity. He picks us up, dries our tears, soothes our fears, and lifts our thoughts beyond the hurt." ~Robert Schuller
"God walks with us.... He scoops us up in His arms or simply sits with us in silent strength until we cannot avoid the awesome recognition that yes, even now, He is here." ~Gloria Gaither
"Time passed in silence with God is time spent growing in relationship with Him. And time spent letting His love flow through you to others is an investment in eternity." ~Amy and Judge Reinhold
I am becoming more and more sure of a few things:
1. I will spend time in Denton, wherever else I live, and in New York City caring for the homeless. I will find ways to do this in Denton via my church, Christ Community Church, and I will go back someday to the Bowery Mission in NYC and participate in the amazing ministry there for the third time in my life.
2. I will be an educator of some sort and I will work with children, primarily teens, and I will educate them not just in music or English or history or - God forbid - algebra, but how to live. How to come alive, how to actually care about life once again, how to live with joy because of Jesus.
3. Someday - someday - I will most likely get married. And if I do get married - and possibly even if I don't - I will do foster care and/or adoption. There are too many children who need safe, loving, Christ-filled homes to stay in for me to not open my own home to them.
4. Because of the above things that will happen, I fully anticipate times in the next fifty years of my life when my heart will be so full of love and wonder and happiness and joy that I'll hardly be able to bear it. I will be able to do nothing but fall on my knees and praise and worship God for who He is and what He's done! And then there will be times when my heart will shatter into a thousand pieces and I will absolutely not be able to bear it at all. I will be so angry at God for allowing me to bear these burdens, to feel this pain and not be able to cure it - yet suffering for Christ is the ultimate privilege. "So if you are suffering in a manner that pleases God, keep on doing what is right, and trust your lives to the God who created you, for He will never fail you." ~1 Peter 4:19
I can't wait for these stages of life to start. Oh my goodness, I can't wait.
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