every time it rains, it rains pennies from heaven

CONFESSIONS

I was inspired by another blogger to write a blog post of confessions. Confessions about me, my life, things that I have done/am currently doing, lest anyone be fooled into thinking my life is perfect, I am perfect, I have it all together, or I can do anything. (Which, if you think that, you've obviously never read the rest of my blog...)

1. I am 23 years old and I still live with my parents.

My parents are wonderful people and have allowed me to live with them all this time, rent-free, and I barely do anything to help out around the house. I never do the dishes (although to be fair, my dad is the only one who can really do them well at all). I never vacuum unless asked to. I rarely cook (although that's not really my fault, I'm NEVER home during dinner). I really feel ashamed of myself that I never do anything around the house, but my parents either beat me to the chores or do them so much better that I don't even bother. We'll see if I can get better at this.

2. I have been in BSF my entire life and have yet to do my lesson one section every day, as it's meant to be.

I usually do my lesson split between two days, or else all in one sitting. And I almost always do my Homiletics on Tuesday afternoons before leaders' meeting. Monday and Tuesday are my big homework days. I would LOVE to do my lesson one day at a time, as it's meant to be, but something always gets in the way or more often than not I just forget. And I'm a BSF leader. Yikes...another thing I'd love to get better at!

3. My books are organized alphabetically by author's last name, and my DVDs are organized alphabetically by title...and there ends any and all organization in my room.

I'm very right-brained and like to have my stuff out where I can see it. This drives the left section of my brain CRAZY and I get desperate to have my stuff put away. The result is that my stuff often gets thrown onto the red chair next to my bookcase. Books, DVDs and clothes get piled high on that chair. Every so often I'll put it all away, but without fail another pile will gather, seemingly within minutes. I hate the two parts of my brain that constantly fight with each other on how my room ends up - I LOVE the way it looks when it's clean and everything is put away, but then I hate that I can't see all my stuff, so when I get it out again I don't put it back! It's a very vicious cycle.

4. I am a musician and I desperately want my degree in music education, but I hate practicing and I hate school.

Practicing any instrument is not something I enjoy. It's tedious work, which I don't like, and it's physically painful, which I don't tolerate very well, and often practice sessions feel very unsuccessful, which I can't stand. And I don't like school, because it always gets in the way of other things I want to do. It eats up most of my time and keeps me from being able to spend time with my friends, which I resent. Yet my ultimate life goal is to be a music teacher and spend my days in school teaching students the joy of music and the beauty of being able to express yourself that way. Such a paradox.

5. I love to write, I have an obvious talent for it, and there IS a novel sitting inside my head waiting to be written, but it's been over three months since I've written anything other than blog posts.

I LOVE writing. The English language is hilarious, ridiculous, stupid, beautiful, and I love words and sentence structure. I love using word pictures, and I love describing people and the world and situations with words. I love the profound truths one learns through well-written novels. I love character development and plot twists and emotions and some descriptions. I love writing styles. And I have a novel in mind, part of a plot, a number of characters, and yet I cannot find the time or ability to write anything. This novel desperately needs to get written, and I simply will not make the time to write anything.

6. If I have any extra money, I will most likely spend it on either food, books, DVDs or jewelry.

I heart food. Chipotle, Canes, and Corner Bakery are my current places of choice. And few things are better than going into Half Price Books empty handed and coming back out with a new stack of books and DVDs. Despite the fact that I really need two or three new pairs of shoes, two or three new pairs of pants, and a couple of other practical items of clothing, I will rarely spend my money on those things. I so much prefer accessories and books and DVDs. I have so many books and I love them all, far more than my clothes...

7. My pair of shoes for work make my feet smell terrible, and every day when I come home from work I have to soak my feet in vodka to get rid of the odor.

This pretty much speaks for itself. I've only just discovered the magic of how well vodka removes foot odor, but it really, truly works! Just a couple splashes of vodka in a bucket/foot bath for five to ten minutes will get rid of foot odor. Rinse the vodka off your feet in the tub and you'll be good to go! Of course, your feet will smell ever so slightly of vodka when you're done, but I much prefer that to the dreadful odor of stinky feet. Rub a little lotion on them to get rid of the vodka smell and to help moisturize them.

8. I keep a supply of M&Ms in my room for insurance.

I have a little candy jar that I keep them in, and I love it. I love M&Ms. Pretzel M&Ms are my favorite candy EVER, and I have a bag of those waiting to go in the candy jar next. And basically if you can't think of any reasons a woman would keep a candy jar of M&Ms in her room, then I have nothing to say to you.

Well, that's about all the confessions I have time for. Hopefully you've learned a little something about me, life, the universe, and other such things. More confessions to come at some point in life!

I'll be there for you like I've been there before

I'm so tired. I'm so tired it's unreal. I feel very drained, partially because I STILL have not caught up on my sleep since Saturday. And tonight I got my PIU schedule, and there's no telling when my next day off will be. Work, BSF and youth group are taking over my life! And I'm so tired! I'M SO TIRED! This sounds a little whiny, but I just feel so much like a dishrag. So many responsibilities, so many committments, so much giving, not enough rest - and I feel so drained. So drained.

Enter Christ, His love, and the immeasurable riches of His grace. I'm not drained. I can give to others from the immeasurable store of His grace that I have. I can share His love with others because the Holy Spirit makes me able. Everything - EVERYTHING - comes back to Christ. The entire message of the Bible, I'm realizing, is so very, very simple. It always, always, always points back to Christ and what He did on the cross. That is the ultimate way in which God is brought glory - nothing else could have glorified Him so much. He loved us so much that He sent His Son to die for us, so that we didn't have to! We don't have to die! We can live with God FOREVER!

I already feel better.

Friend shoutout - it's insane how much you've done for me. I really can't understand how I've believed the enemy's lies for so long, and you're the first one who's managed to open my eyes to the truth. God knows how to knit together friendships, and I couldn't be more thankful that He knit ours together as He has! I only hope I can be as much of a blessing and encouragement to you as you are to me.