Can you deal with this....

Just so you are aware, my subject lines will basically NEVER have anything to do with the contents of my posts.

For example, tonight I am going to write a few thoughts about marriage. I just took a facebook quiz, "When will you get married?" and my result was that I will not get married until I am FIFTY YEARS OLD!!!

That's one fear of mine, actually - that I will never get married and have children. I want to do both of those things SO BADLY...I think. Never having been in a relationship, I suppose it could be argued that I have no idea if I really do want to get married, because I have absolutely no idea what it would really be like. I can observe my parents and other married couples and how they interact, but I don't know what it's like to share a room and a bed with your spouse, to have to sacrifice time and decisions and things for your spouse, to resolve fights and celebrate anniversaries, to have that kind of emotional and physical intimacy with someone. I don't know what it's like to have a child, to worry about your child and love it and protect it and be responsible for teaching it and feeding it and sheltering it and loving it, all wondering if you're doing it the right way and the best way.

And I know I'm not ready for either marriage or children, but the thought that I might never have either one is too much. And since I'm nearly 21 and have yet to go on my first date, it just sort of sits at the back of my brain, not a big deal, but I still know it's there. Sort of a very quiet nag. You're nearly 21...and NOTHING.

Fortunately, I am usually able to drown out said nag with the awesome verse that is Psalm 37:4: "Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." God knows the desires of my heart better than I do, and He will give them to me if I put Him first. The question is.......DO I PUT HIM FIRST?

Not often enough. That is where this blog comes in handy. This blog is my chronicle of my delight in the Lord. The other day, my mom said something that really struck me: she said that if she had all the time in the world to do whatever she wanted, all she would want to do would be cook and study the Bible. I couldn't say the same. I don't have a burning desire to study the Bible right now. But I want to have that desire. I want to be overwhelmed by God. I want Him to stir in me a passion that my heart cannot contain!!!!!

It's an odd thing, to desire a desire. I wonder how that will work out...